As a Korean American adoptee who didn’t eat a bite of Korean food until after I turned 18, I’ve had more than my share of these special moments. Whether it’s dropping everything I try to pick up with my chopsticks, tripping and falling down on the way out (okay, maybe I’m just clumsy), or suffering from the general confusion of not knowing how to eat anything or what’s going to happen next, I’ve pretty much covered everything required for an awkward dining performance.

Yes, this is very sad. But they say talking helps. So I’m putting this out there for all to read. I don’t know if this is common among adoptees, but I feel like I need support to go into a Korean restaurant with “real” Koreans in it. Perhaps this speaks to the amount of isolation and, well, cultural and racial shame I experienced growing up in an extremely white environment. As much as I now love the foods of the motherland, it can be hard to enjoy them on such an anxious stomach.

A few tales from the crypt:

AKRM #1: I go into Lee’s BBQ with a Latino friend. I am promptly served a cup of tea, while he gets a big glass of water. He asks, “Why did they bring me water? Do they think I’m white?” I shrug while feeling secretly happy that they deemed me Korean enough for tea. I also secretly wish for my own big glass of water.

AKRM #2: My (non-Korean) coworkers decide they want Korean food for lunch. I am inwardly horrified, but go with them. They look at me like I’m going to transform into my super-hero role as Korean Coworker Ambassador To The Korean Restaurant. Obviously, I don’t perform as expected. I then have to field a gazillion intrusive questions about my adoption, explain to them why I have a Korean name but don’t speak Korean, and tell them (repeatedly) that I don’t know every single ingredient in “all these little side dishes.” And I have to do it in a polite way because, technically, I’m still at work.

AKRM #3: I go to a different BBQ place with my girlfriend, who is second generation Korean, grew up eating Korean food, knows how to make some of it, and speaks okay Korean. Wow, even with this very Korean person at the table, we still manage to be awkward. The waitress decides my girlfriend isn’t grilling the meat right, so she comes over, grabs the tongs, and starts grilling it herself. We sit and watch her. We suppress the nervous laughter that’s trying to escape from our mouths, and then we eat the food which is admittedly delicious.

Got any Awkward Korean Restaurant Moments of your own?

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