Consider This Your KY Jelly
Author: Randall Park
Posted: August 3rd, 2010
Filed Under: August 2010 , BLOG
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Introducing our newest columnist, actor Randall Park!


By Randall Park

Hello. My name is Randall, and welcome to my column. I am a writer, actor and comedian. In short, I am an entertainer. Kind of like Cedric, except my last name is not “The Entertainer.” It’s “Park.” I suppose a good number of you will share my last name. Others are likely to be a “Kim” or possibly a “Lee.” Maybe some of you will have a European surname like “Gibson” (What up, Tyrese! No, not you, Mel.). Approximately one of you will have the last name “Hitler.” (Sorry, dude. Must be rough. Again, not you, Mel.) My point is, regardless of your last name, I’m glad you stopped by.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself: I am a Korean American man, born and raised in Los Angeles. I am married. (Sorry, ladies.) I am heterosexual. (Sorry, fellas.) And I have been a professional actor for the past eight years. (Sorry, Mom and Dad.)

I also love to write. Truth be told, I had the option of writing a column for more renowned publications like Newsweek, Time or Tiger Beat, but I chose to keep it real and write for KoreAm. Because I am not only an entertainer, I am a proud member of my community. And I am also a model. (What up, Tyra!)

OK, you’re probably asking yourself, “What will this column be about?” Well, considering the fact that I recently did a commercial for KY Jelly, I think it’s pretty obvious that this column will be about being Asian American in the entertainment industry. It will also be about sexual lubricants. But mostly, this column will be about the life and times of a simple guy who has made many mistakes in life, but really wants nothing more than your love and affection. Yes, this column will be about M. Night Shyamalan.

By the way, I am boycotting The Last Airbender. Partially because of the whole race thing but mainly because I heard it sucks balls. At the time of this writing, there are rumblings in the industry that M. Night is in early negotiations to make a part II and III. Disheartening. We all know that Aang should be played by an Asian actor. But I’ll take it a step further by saying that Aang should be played by a Korean American. Note the physical features of the original cartoon Aang: the large, handsome head; the eyes that reflect decades of Japanese oppression; the hanbok.

I would even go as far as to say that Aang would ideally be played by a Korean American actor in his mid-30s. My point is, M. Night, if you’re reading this, I’m available to be The Last Airbender in the next installments. Check out my reel and other stuff at my website, www.randallparkplace.com. If you need me to come in for an audition, I will. And, no, I will not settle for background work.

Let me end with this. Whether you are a Park, a Gibson, a Shyamalan or a The Entertainer, we are all struggling to have a voice in this country. We all want nothing more than to fit through the cracks so that we can be heard. For many of us, it’s a tight fit. And that’s when we need lube. Friends, consider this column your KY Jelly. And yes, that was a poorly executed callback.

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